Lance Won

Lance won.

He closed out his career with eight straight high-profile victories: One over cancer, and seven over the field in Le Tour de France.

Go Lance. U rock. I'mOut.

The Steal Sign

I have stooped to stealing from another blog, without permission, to fill this space.

But it's Vanishing James, so no biggie. Right?

I took the title and first few mini-paragraphs from his most recent post, went to the Babelfish web translator, plugged in the words, translated them to Russian, then went from Russian back to English.

This is not a joke, and I had no clue it would end up this way. I swear. This is what came out:

"Gear here.... Alrighty! Mho erect MG15CD and my PODxt shown upward today."

It makes it sound like he was doing "The Penis Monologues" or something, right? His Mho is erect and the PODtx is shown upward today. Freakin' stealth perv. I have this guy all figured out.

Gotta go watch the last 2 1/2 innings of Yankees-Angels now.

Go Lance! I'mOut.

Difficulties with YES

The YES Network had some technical difficulties with its picture as the Yankees closed out the Rangers tonight.

It kind of brought me back to the days when it was commonplace to see a still picture on TV and every 30 seconds or so hear that guy's voice:

"We are experiencing operating difficulties. Please stand by."

The Yankees' victory moved them into first place, alone, for the first time since the very beginning of the season. It's amazing how many pitching injuries and overall underperformances they have needed to make themselves and underdog. But they are.

In a completely unrelated subject, I think the only reason I am posting was because I wanted to type Claude Lemieux's name. Claude Lemieux. There, I did it.

I thought about making his name a single post. But I got a little excited with the Yankees and the YES operating difficulties and I just caught up on Vanishing James and the wife sacked out and I just started typing.

Speaking of Vanishing James, the dude can really write. Like all of us -- but in a unique way -- he has a lot on his mind. VJ is mad (miffed?) at me right now because I have gone hiking with my brother-in-law without telling him. What he does not know is that I actually went three times over the last two weekends. It's a secret. SHHHHH!!!

Frank Viola. *17. If the Monarch is reading this, he is laughing hysterically right now.

Speaking of the whole hiking thing, I have been using it as part of the regimen en route to getting back into some kind of shape. I hiked the "Tiki Run" on Sunday in the rain and heat. The "Tiki Run" is this run in the mountains that Tiki Barber does to increase his fitness level. While I did not run it, I made it through with no problem, save for the mosquitos that literally swarmed me numberous times.

The hike we did goes from about 200 feet elevation to over 1,100 feet, which is not bad for New Jersey. Ayers Rock in the Australian Outback clocks in at around 1,043 feet, and I climbed (hiked) that in 1996. This was a lot different.

YES, I did not experience any operating difficulties. I'mOut.

Who Loves You, Jane?

Hey Jane, Gerard loves you. December 28, 2004 apparently will be a day that will be remembered forever.

Gerard is my 15-year-old nephew and Jane is his girlfriend. She is an older woman for him, although he is so much bigger than she that he looks like the one robbing the cradle.

The pair are so in love (or at least he with her), that when I IM him and he is away, the following message appears: "jane i love u so0o much babe* 12.28.04 - 4everr"

I swear he is a very intelligent kid, even though it seems he has little in the way of spelling skills.

What this all means is that he is becoming a man now. I'll only have my ShopRite buddy around for a few more years, then I'll have to rely on others to take his place or (dread the thought) actually go to the food store alone (ughhh! - are you getting the hives, like I am?).

I finally made it back to pilates today. I figured it had been more than a month since the last time I was there, since my friend, Brooke (the instructor), told me her birthday was June 6, and I knew I had not wished her a happy birthday. That means I have not been working out nearly as much as I should.

Rather than watching the diet and getting into a good fitness routine, it seems the route I have taken has been to periodically complain about my inertia via this blog.

Thanks for listening.

Nutrition problems can work in myriad ways. Most of the time (like me) we eat way too much. Sometimes we eat the right amount of stuff, but not the right stuff. Sometimes we eat too little, and other times we just do not have the right idea what we're doing.

It can cause all sorts of different problems, but the one that seems to tie them together is unhappiness. When we have these issues -- long term or short term, it makes us feel worse about ourselves.

I do not think it's superficial. I think it has to do with the way the body chemistry is working in response to the nutrition.

That being said, I cannot seem to keep myself on the wagon forever. I am always looking for the next thing. I can hang my hat on the fact that I have done well with some plans in the past. The 8-Week Cholesterol Cure was tremendous, as was the South Bech Diet. Live Right 4 Your Type made the most sense of all, but I just could never get on a roll with it.

I recently looked for a new version of The 8-Week Cholesterol Cure, but the update came out in 2001. I was really looking for something that has come out more recently.

Damnit, I need to get this part right, and then get into shape and feel good. Like Gerard does. And he loves Jane.

The Fourth

July 4th was cool.

We went to the local parade and the sirens from the many, many rescue-type vehicles scared the bejesus out of my unborn children.

We had a nice visit with my father-in-law, who has a broken foot but has lost the cast and is feeling much better.

Our neighbors, who we sat with at the parade, invited us over for an afternoon barbecue, but first my buddy, Ray, stopped by and we went to the beer garden and I saw my friend Paul, his wife and dad, and my friend and former colleague, Nick.

I was away for about an hour and 45 minutes while the wife sacked out. I got home, Ray hung for a while, and then I booted him out so we could go to our neighbors' house to feed the pregnant lady.

What a spread! The Italian was being spoken, the kids were in the mini-pool, and there was food all over the place. I even had a couple more beers, which was nice, since I only had to walk about 13 feet to get home.

Got back home, took a nap, took out the garbage, then did Six Feet Under. ("Hiilariously funny. The feel-good hit of the summer." That's what they're saying about Six Feet Under.)

Jumped around and caught AI and Jermaine O'Neal getting Punk'd, then took on The Andy Milonakis Show. Andy is, I believe, the former Man Show Kid. He is, at times, side-splittingly funny and at other times sorta stupid and stale. But I am tuning in every week, especially until Da Ali G Show season three commences.

Also, it should be noted that Surreal Life 5 is supposed to start Sunday night.

Giambi: Two homers, both off lefties. Nice.

I'm out.

Bunny

If I was a rabbit, I would have no arms. But I would still be able to swim, I think.

It's nice to be human. I do not think I want to be a rabbit. At least not right now.

Independence Day

Some 365 days ago, life was just so different. It seemed like a grind for so many days, and then you look up -- BOOM, the Fourth of July fireworks are going off again.

Just a year ago, I was on the railroad. I had a perfectly fine job and was making my way through a delightful career when, little did I know it, I was being backstabbed by an insecure boss who was pretending to be my friend but was scared that I was going to make him obsolete.

The situation collected more and more misery over the ensuing few months as I was working harder and continuing to get excellent results while my demise was being plotted out in back rooms and dark dungeons by an evil troll.

When that job unceremoniously ended amid more broken promises and insincerities on September 13, it thrust me on a downward spiral laced with bitterness and venom I thought myself incapable of feeling.

It took a while to come to terms with all of it -- the ego blow, the unnecessary feelings of failure, self-doubt, self-loathing and lack of confidence. Then there was the kick in the eye of not finding a new job and going on the government dole.

Here's how the scenario kicked out.

Stage-setter: I narrowed in on two jobs for which I had interviewed and from whom I was expecting to get offers. I decided to push them along in an effort to get them to yield their offers at roughly the same time.

I found out at the beginning of the week that the offer for the job I really liked and wanted was not coming; they were putting the position on hold. And I could not get any information from the completely disorganized people at the other place, which was my second choice.

Then I realized I had exhausted the last of my unemployment benefits, so now the money was going to be air-tight, thus increasing the strain on everything in life.

Then I find out my wife is pregnant.

With triplets.

I am not making this up. That stuff all happened within a span of four days.

I did not know whether to jump for joy of jump off a bridge. I went for the joy jump, though, because I could not be more excited. Except that if there ever was a time to not have triplets, this would be the one. Which, of course, makes it the perfect time. Because if there is ever a time to have triplets, now is the best time.

Are my feelings clear?

Well, I kept plugging along and finally got myself back into a situation in which I am doing well work-wise and, in fact, have much more flexibility for freelance projects. In addition, the long-term prospects of the new job (and my sanity and happiness) are a lot better than they were with the old one.

Turn a negative into a positive. It's always darkest before dawn. Just stay within yourself. All of the clichés are there to describe the time since last July 4.

Here's another: The best is yet to come.